


I love you, Simon Lewis

by Nikka001



Series: Stronger Together - A Collection of Jimon One-Shots [6]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Jace Wayland Feels, Jace Wayland Needs A Hug, M/M, Simon Lewis Needs a Hug, Suicide, Suicide Notes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-01
Updated: 2018-09-10
Packaged: 2019-07-05 09:08:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 957
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15860577
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nikka001/pseuds/Nikka001
Summary: It only takes one missed phone call and one message for Simon Lewis's world to come crashing down all around him.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So, apologies once again for another angsty story. I swear I try to write fluff. It just doesn't always happen. 
> 
> Warnings beforehand: This is a very emotional piece. With mentions of suicide and suicide notes/calls. I apologize in advance if anyone feels upset by this. That is not my intention. 
> 
> Other than that, read on!

* * *

 

_ I can’t do this anymore… _

 

His heart is beating fast as he races through the building lobby, the squeaking of his rain-soaked sneakers echoing off the walls.

 

_ Please...just don’t come home… _

 

He comes to a stop at the elevator and curses under his breath at the ‘Out of Order’ sign taped to its doors.

 

_ It’s better this way...I promise… _

 

He struggles to hold back tears as he climbs the stairs. “C’mon, c’mon..” He mumbles to himself as he climbs higher and higher. 

 

_ I’m so, so sorry… _

 

“Dammit!” He shouts as he pushes against the stairwell door. Fumbling around in his coat pockets, he pulls out his keycard. He swipes it against the access panel and quickly pushes through the door and into the hallway. 

 

_ Just, let me go…please… _

 

Tripping over his own feet, he tears through the hall until finally making it to his apartment door. 

 

_ I love you so much, Simon Lewis… _

 

Simon bangs against the door, angry at himself for forgetting his keys inside when he left this morning. 

 

_ I have always loved you, and I will never stop loving you… _

 

“Jace! Please, I need you to open the door. Jace!” The tears finally break loose as he continues to pound his fist against the door. His vision blurs as the tears fall. 

 

_ Don’t you ever forget that… _

 

He barely registers the other people that come running up to him. He fights against the one that pulls him away from the door.

 

_ Goodbye Simon… _

 

“Simon stop fighting. Please.” He knows that voice. 

 

“Let me go, Alec! I have to get to him before -- before…”

 

Alec tightens his hold on Simon as he forces himself to remain unwavering.

 

“Alexander….”

 

Simon stops fighting and looks over as Magnus exits the now open apartment. Silent tears fall as he approaches the others. Alec’s hold on Simon drops as he embraces Magnus and lets himself cry. A million questions run through Simon’s mind as he slowly approaches the doorway. He tells himself to step inside but, he can’t. He can’t bring himself to enter the one place that he used to be able to call home. The one place that he could be himself. Where ‘I Love You’ was said in bed each night and where strawberry milkshake dripped from the ceiling because he forgot to put the lid on. So many memories yet so little time. 

 

Dropping to his knees, Simon holds his hands together over his heart and with tears trailing down his face, he speaks. “I love you, Jace Wayland. Goodbye.”


	2. Send Me Away with the Words of a Love Song

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How do you remain whole when the one thing that was keeping you together, is the reason you're falling apart in the first place?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the abrupt sort of ending to this chapter. I was trying to figure out how to end it but I just kept getting stuck. Hopefully though, the ending I have worked. That being said, enjoy!

* * *

 It’s been exactly three weeks since Simon’s world came crumbling down around him. Three weeks of guilt and tears. Three weeks of family and friends showing up at every hour with pre-cooked meals just in case he would forget to make himself something to eat. Three miserable weeks of those same meals being tossed down the garbage disposal while Simon lay in bed weeping. So many days of repeating the same lines to neighbors that he would pass in the hallways; “I’m doing okay, thanks.” “Not at the moment, but I’ll be sure to let you know.”

 Simon pondered on these thoughts as he continued to fiddle with his tie in the bathroom mirror, cursing under his breath as he tugged at the knots. He was so focused on tying the perfect knot that he didn’t notice when Clary stopped just outside the bathroom door.

 “Need some help with that?” Her voice was soft and sweet but Simon startled nonetheless. He turned to face his friend and gave her a pleading look. Clary chuckled under her breath as she stepped forward to assist Simon.

 Taking the tie from around his neck, Clary draped the length of fabric over her shoulders and began working. The pair kept quiet for the remainder of her work until finally, she slipped the knotted fabric from her neck and placed it back around Simons. She tightened the knot ever so slightly before flipping down his collar and smoothing out the front of the shirt.

 She patted his chest lightly, “There. Now, you’re ready.”

 Simon gave her a grateful smile before grabbing his suit jacket from its hanger on the door and slipping it on. Turning to the mirror once more, Simon took one final look at his appearance. Anyone who hadn’t been around him the last few weeks would say that he just look tired or even sad. His friends, however, knew the truth. How Alec and Magnus let him stay with them until he was ready to go back. The way that Clary and Izzy stayed up with him night after night without talking. They would just let him sit there and think. Nobody really knew what was going on inside his head though. Not even his friends.

 “Si, you okay?”

 Clary’s words drew his focus back to reality and back to the feeling of her hands on his shoulders.

 “Yeah Clary, I’m fine,” Simon responded, sending her a small smile for reassurance.

 “Good. Cause I’m not.” The pair startled at the arrival of a new voice behind them. Turning around, Simon drew in a sharp breath when he locked eyes with Alec; somewhat surprised to see him being so vulnerable. It made sense for the situation but it still was weird to have him being so open. He gave Simon a watery smile as he slowly took a seat in one of the chairs that stood in the middle of the room.

 “I know I said I am, but I’m not.” Simon and Clary watched in heartache as Alec brokedown. Rushing forward and dropping to his knees, Simon wrapped Alec in his arms and held him close.

 “It’s okay. Everything will be okay. I promise.”

**Author's Note:**

> In case anyone was wondering, everything in italic was fragments of what Jace said on the message he left Simon. Just to clarify.


End file.
